The Monk’s Test

It begins in an inner sacred cave chamber filled with Buddhist monks. Candles were lit everywhere. Several monks sat in lotus position around tiers of rocky outcrop in this sanctuary. Four other monks were standing in the foreground giving me directions or finishing the ceremonial details. I was about to embark on a test. They wanted to see how much I integrated about some particular subject. They told me not to be alarmed as the lights went out and everything became silent. I wondered if I was in the same room and I called out to them. There was no answer. Instead, another light appeared around me.

I found myself standing in some large room, wood floors, wood walls, wood tables and chairs. It almost seemed like some community place built like an old gold mining frontier building, not like today with sheet rock and other textures. Several people were in the room, all women. One was an older African wise woman. She remained silent and kept a side profile to me. Her head was bowed toward the ground very observant of my actions. Another was a childhood friend, Delaney, who was as alight to see me, as I was to see her. One of my sisters was also in the room. I was standing behind a table stacked with papers and workbooks, or perhaps they were songbooks, in front of me. I addressed the three females around me, as the crowd noise hummed around us. I greeted them with delight. Interestingly, Delaney was repeating everything I was saying while I was saying it, as if I was using her mouth as well as mine to speak. My sister thought this was strange and the African wise woman smiled, waiting to see how I would react. Instead of being confused I grinned; I knew exactly what was going on.

My sister questioned Delaney, why she was talking over me? How did she know what I was going to say? Delaney just grinned staring at me, as I was grinning staring at her. I told my sister, as Delaney did too, that the reason she was doing this was because she was me and I was her. I remembered my last teaching dream where the guides’ main lesson was to remember who I was and they kept using the characters in my dreams, both the clueless and the wise to re-iterate that I was all of them. I looked at the wise woman and knew I was her, too.

I told my sister that I had transferred my consciousness to this dream and that each of the people involved were some part of my mind interpreting itself into these personas. I explained that the African woman was the crone, the wise woman, the observer. Delaney, was the reflection of the oneness and specialness of this dream.

My sister asked, “Who am I then? Are you telling me that I am also some part of you and not myself at all?”

I smiled and pondered who did she represent in my dream? Perhaps she was a symbol of my sister, or the analytical side of myself? As I was about to answer her, a young man came bursting through the front door, which was made both of wood and window.

The young man seemed distressed. He locked eyes with mine and rushed toward me through the crowd. “We have to get you out of here.” He said with some alarm.

I didn’t understand what he was talking about, but his anxiousness was causing me anxiety. I started losing my lucidity as I began to fear and panic. I immediately gathered my papers off the table, and with my sister, Delaney, and the wise woman at my side, we maneuvered through the thinning crowd and walked quickly outside. I kept fumbling with my papers, losing my grip on them, as I wondered what was going on.

“Now what do we do?” I asked the man. “Who sent you? Why are we running? What’s coming after me?”

“All I was told was to deliver this message to you: Someone is coming to aid you in your hour of need. But I fear I may have cut my arrival too close. I have to hide you until the threat disappears or my superiors come in time to help.” He quickly looks around at the ghost town gold mining buildings as the dust in the road is kicked up by a strange wind.

“Here!” he yells as he pulls me toward an empty building. “We’ll hide in here. You should be safe here. All of you, follow me.” We walk into the old wooded abandoned structure. I stared out the window curious and frightened as to what the alarm is all about? The young man tells me to stay away from the window, just in case.

I step back into the dark in the middle of the room, when a hand grabs my shoulder.

My body shakes with fright. Three monks are standing in front of me. I am in some sort of rock cave. Several candles are lit and other monks are sitting in rows all around the room as if in some meditation. I look quickly over my shoulder as to the person who grabbed me. Another monk. I’m wildly trying to orient myself. Are they the ones who are here to aid me? I thought. I look down and my papers and books are gone. Have I dropped them?

“Wait a minute. I remember this place.” I look at the monks who are staring at me, giving me space to find my breath and orientation. The monk behind me joins his brothers in front. The pieces come back slowly, and I remember they were sending me on some kind of test. The dream. I must have started off okay, because I was lucid for the first part of it, but I lost it when the man came in.

“Ah, she’s back now.” The monk in the center stated to the others.

“Do you know where you are?” The man who had grabbed my shoulder asked.

“Yes.” I replied. “I was here before you sent me to that other place. I was being tested, but I must have failed. I think it happened when the man came into the room and I felt threatened. My lucidity dissipated after that.”

“Yes, you became quite distressed. We felt it necessary to bring you back early.”

“Do you understand what happened?” Asked a third monk who was standing in front of me.

“Not entirely.” I said.

“You forgot who you were.”

“In the beginning, I didn’t.” I smiled thinking back. “I am learning.”

“So shall we continue and try this again?” The monk in the center asked me smiling.

“Yes. Let’s.” I answered. “Let’s do this one more time.”

The monks gathered closer together raised their hands and the candlelight faded again.

I once again stood in an old wooded frontier building surrounded by tables and chairs and people, mostly, if not all, women. In the foreground stood Delaney, the African wise woman, and my sister. Instead of standing behind the table with my papers and song or workbooks stacked on it, like last time, this time I was off to the table’s left. The chairs were scooted in around it. My sister was trying to get my attention. The wise woman continued to slightly bow toward the ground with a side profile to me as she attentively observed me. I knew Delaney would follow my lead, but I wasn’t interested in speaking anymore. I knew in order to stay aware I needed to push my entire consciousness, or at least as much as I could, into this environment. This would insure that I would not lose my lucidity. As I rooted myself into the dream, my surroundings became clearer, more detailed with greater precision and light.

“What are you doing?” my sister asked somewhat curious, somewhat annoyed, I think for not responding to her sooner.

“I’m pushing my consciousness into the room, so I can think better.” I replied, matter-of-factly.

“You’re what?” My sister asked even more annoyed because now she was confused, yet not at all too surprised by my seemingly flaky answer.

“It helps me stay more lucid in this dream. Otherwise, it feels like I’m floating or hovering. Everything’s more clear, that’s for sure.” I remarked.

“What are you talking about? This isn’t a dream.” She exclaimed with frustration. “Now are you going to help me or what?”

“Sure, what do you need?”

“Ugh!” She exhaled. She grabbed my wrist and I gathered my papers and we headed for one side of the room. Delaney became a background character at this point, but the wise woman stayed close by, remaining a foreground character without actual interaction.

“You need to help me to choose. You said you were going to help me.” My sister said.

“Sure. You’re just going to have to remind me what we’re doing.”

As my sister tried to remain calm and release any frustrating emotions silently, she noticed the wise woman nearby. So temporarily she threw her energy toward her, allowing a moment’s distraction. “Who is that woman and why does she keep following us around the room?”

“Her?” I nodded my head in the wise woman’s direction. When my sister nodded with sarcastic exasperation, I answered her with some delight, “Ah, she is a wise woman. Every dream should have one of her in them.”

“What? Oh, never mind. Listen –“ and that was as far as she spoke, for at that exact moment a young man came bursting through the front door, looking desperately for someone.

I knew exactly who he was. I still wasn’t sure what he had to do with my test, but I was determined to get further along in this dream than I had before. Instead of standing straight in his sights like last time, now I was off to his far left. It took him a couple of minutes to scan the room to find me, but as soon as he did he rushed toward me.

“Amie,” he said breathlessly, “We have to get you out of here.”

I was going to ask why, but instead I yelled, “STOP!”

The dream seemed to freeze and the characters became motionless.

I spoke to the dream. “Now, I know what you are doing and where this is going. We are going to continue in a moment, but we are doing this like I instruct, not by whatever you decide to interpret. This man is going to lead us outside to another building. The wise woman, Delaney, and my sister are going to come with us. We will then see what happens next - BUT - you are to contain yourself under my direction, and at no time do you have authority to just go wild with your interpretation. Do you understand that?” I spoke loudly to the ceiling.

After having asserted my authority into the dream, and checking to be sure my consciousness and emotional levels were solid, I consented for it to continue.

The dream resumed where we had left off. The wise woman just watched, but the others seemed at a loss as to what to do, as if waiting for my command. So I answered the young man, “Yes. Let’s get out of here.” I turned to my sister. “Why don’t you get Delaney, and I’ll ask the wise woman to come with us.” Since they were key figures in the last dream, it seemed they were also necessary to this one.

“Where are we going?” my sister asked annoyed, but I turned my back to her to request the wise woman’s company. She only smiled and walked with me. My sister retrieved Delaney from the background and all of us, with the man, walked outside.

“I assure you this is a matter of some urgency,” the young man reiterated, “but I’m afraid I may be too late in reaching you.” He apologized. “I was to find you and escort you back before the threat came within reach, but I may not have been quick enough.”

“That’s quite all right.” I answered calmly. He was eyeing the ghost town buildings as we stood out in the middle of the dusty road. My arms were full of the papers and books I held earlier and wondered why I had them? They seemed to be of no consequence, just excess. I should get rid of them as soon as I can, I thought.

“We have to hide you, but where?” He asked himself desperately searching for safety.

“Why not over here?” I said. I walked toward the building we had used in the last dream. This seemed to satisfy him. As soon as I was inside I noticed a table covered with a thick layer of dust and dirt to my right just inside the door and under the window. I dropped my books there determined to let them vanish out of the dream. They were no longer an important character.

“What are you doing? We may need those?” my sister exclaimed grabbing them off the dusty dirty table.

“I doubt it.” I offhandedly said, with no more concern for them. “You know, you don’t need to load them around, but that’s up to you.” I told her as she scrambled to retrieve the papers. They fell on the dirt floor and were trampled upon those still coming in the door. She was disgusted wrestling with them and finally gave up letting the rest drop to the floor.

The man was the last to enter the abandoned wood building and locked the door, peeking through the window. As I neared him, he ushered me back, “It may be best for you to stay in the dark, ma’am. I’ll keep watch and let you know when it’s safe to emerge. I’m here to protect you.”

“You know, that’s okay.” I told him. “You’ve already gone to great lengths to find and protect me. I thank you for your service. Why don’t you take a rest with the others, and I’ll keep watch. Besides, I’m curious as to who or what we are waiting for.” I touched his shoulder to calm his fears.

“That is a dangerous sentiment, lady. Besides, you were put into my charge and I will see you delivered safely back to base.”

“Look around, sir. We are well covered. There is no danger for the moment. When something comes, I’ll alert you, and you can, then, come to the window to advise me on the best course of action. I should remind you, however, that whatever is coming, came for me, and I will decide, in the end, whether to meet it or not.”

He was not completely satisfied, but he had a look on his face that he knew he was being outranked, that there was a higher authority in the room. He bowed and backed toward the shadows of the room.

I turned and stared out the window watching the wind pick up the sand in the road and fling it at the buildings across the street. I wondered, What was coming down the road to greet me? Was it really something to fear? I silently confessed an eagerness, anticipation and curiosity. Would the monks find me capable of retaining my identity with whatever happened next?

As if I blinked, one moment everything was black and the next I was standing in the cave again with the four Buddhist monks all dressed in orange gathered around me. The scene was the same, candles, many other monks surrounded in the background sitting in meditation on rock ledges.

“You have done well, my friend.” The monk in the center smiled. I smiled back.

“You do not require a moment to orient yourself?” Another monk asked me.

“No, I’m fine.” I smiled. It seemed I had passed the test this time. “Could you explain to me now, what the test was and what you observed?” I respectfully asked with curiosity.

The four of them chuckled. “Do you not understand yourself?” The one in the center inquired.

“Not exactly,” I answered. “I do believe it made a huge difference, when I inserted my consciousness as fully as I could into the dream. At one point I was able to stop it and instruct it to follow my commands.”

“And what did this accomplish?” The one in the center continued to question me as the monk on the end to his right came forward to wrap his arm around me and invite me into their group, as friends conversing, and not as teachers testing a student.

I looked at the monk by my side who ushered me forward before I turned back and answered the monks in front of me. “I thought by asserting my authority this would instill that I wouldn’t get swept away by any emotional or energy current that my brain was interpreting as my environment and response. Then I could be ready to face whatever my future brought me, or whatever you decided to design.”

“Exactly. Exactly, my young friend.” The lead monk exclaimed with satisfaction. They turned and we faced the other sitting monks who by now were getting up off the floor. Some were stretching, some were watching us, others were lighting other candles, and some were talking quietly among themselves, and some were still sitting, though they didn’t seem to be meditating any longer. “You see, Amie, sometimes it is not about what we can teach you, but what you can discover for yourself. We could have shared with you our knowledge, but sometimes it is far more impressive to realize you already knew the same wisdom, AND how to act upon it, if given the opportunity.”

I have to admit I was feeling quite thrilled and exhilarated. “Yes, but,” I interjected, “had it not been for your introduction and intervention along the way, I may not have come to the answer so readily.”

We walked toward the center of the cave as if heading out the other end. Were we standing on some sort of dais or altar at the other end? I wasn’t quite sure; perhaps we were just positioned at the far end of the cave. What happened to my body while I was in this other place? I thought, letting a part of my mind race with curiosity. Was I standing, lying, sitting, levitating?

As if my monk friends or teachers didn’t hear my curious thoughts, the spokesperson answered my interjection. “It is true your time here had more impact by our introduction, and help along the way, but I am certain you would have found the way without our help eventually.”

I somehow knew he no longer was referring to their created dream, but by the one I was currently in. The one where I was gathered by many monks dressed in orange robes with glowing gold lit candles gathered all around them while we stood in a cave. Their lesson or test wasn’t about this particular place, but about my life that I would awake to when our time here was decidedly finished.

This thought the leader chose to comment on as he hugged me close to his side and grinned. “Ah, but that is for another time. Let us enjoy each other with what we have left. Shall we?” He opened his arm to invite me outside.

With one gentle cool breeze of the night air across my face, and the scent of green and water nearby, everything vanished, and I awoke once more in my bed.